Jan. 2nd, 2009

ksolaris: (nana)
This is my first post of the year, and already I begin to wonder what's going to be running through my head when I read this at around the same time next year. So let's see...

First off, let me talk about 2008.

The year that has just ended has left me with many lessons which I do believe will stay with me for a good while. If I could draw a card that would best signify 2008, it would be The Tower. It was a year of surprises, of upheavals, of changes... but all for the better.

I've been caught off-guard too many times this past year, but I've learned from my mistakes. I've also tolerated a lot of things which I shouldn't have, and I let a lot of things pass me by when that should not have been the case. It took something sudden and terrifying to happen for me to realize all this, and for me to wake up, get up and get moving again.

I let myself fall into a rut and I allowed myself to pretend that I was comfortable and contented to be in such a state. Apparently, I was insulting the Universe, and all it could possibly give by thinking as such, and as punishment, it gave me a powerful reminder that mediocrity or self-pity is not one of its most favored traits.

As a parting shot, 2008 also revealed the truth about certain people to me, and I am very grateful for the knowledge. Such a gift is not one to be taken with merely a simple "thank you".

Now, for the upcoming year, 2009.

When the clocks struck midnight last New Year's Eve, I promised myself that this year would be Card 13: Death. Whereas other people see the 13th card of the Tarot in a negative light, as an end to all that is dear to them, one has to remember that in the Tarot, Death signifies something more profound than merely ceasing to exist. It signifies change, destroying the old in order to give way to something new. It is a transition or a transformation. It is part of the natural cycle of destruction and creation. I hold much love for this card, and I aim to follow the lesson it attempts to teach.

Already, I have begun. I have shed unwanted and unnecessary burdens, and I am more than ready to welcome the new opportunities, challenges and lessons that I have made room for. I am eager for the transformations to begin, and for new life to spring from the ashes of the bridges I have burned.

I have promised myself that this year, I shall respect myself more, and believe in my own self-worth. I will no longer tolerate people who are not important in my life to dictate how far I can go or what I can or cannot do. A year and a half of my life has already been wasted in such a way, and I will no longer allow something so precious to be taken away from me again.

No more pointless complaining. No more quietly bearing it all and gritting my teeth. No longer will I allow myself to think that THIS is fine when it's NOT. No longer will I accept things that revile me and completely goes against my beliefs. No longer will I allow undeserving people to belittle me. No more fear. No more regrets.

It's my time now. I've been given the signal, and I've been provided with the tools. I plan to make use of it well, and they better be ready.

The Universe is great and awesome in every way, with all it can give and provide. To expect any less of it would be a damned shame.


I have emptied myself out for you. Now, COME!

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